Maybe destiny tricked me
by Whitewolf111
Summary: This isn't really a fanfic, but it's dedicated to all of us who experienced unrequited love.


**Maybe destiny tricked me**

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A/N:This is a story about a boy which I love in a platonic, painful way. This is the story about unrequited love.

* * *

I noticed you the year before for the first time. We were returning home from the school by _that_ bus – so similar to all others, and yet, so different.

I remember you were sitting near my seat, facing me with your back. At some point you stood up, preparing to leave the bus on the same station as myself, and that was the moment I noticed your eyes.

They were as beautiful as I literally haven't seen before. Wide and framed with long, black eyelashes. As for the colour of your eyes – they were an unearthly mixture of blue and predominantly green.

However, it wasn't love on the first sight. Soon I stumbled your image in some remote corner of my brain. Weeks passed and I fell in love with a classmate of mine. He wasn't anything special, what I realize from this point, but I guess that sitting next to him in a new class, in the new school, produced a need in myself to "let the carrots" in a new environment.

* * *

I was seeing you in that first grade from time to time, mostly in the bus. One image is still vivid in my mind - it was immediately before the end of the school year. We were driving towards school, and you were standing beside me. It's funny I wasn't aware of your presence, because I was reading something on the web. Among other things, I read a post from some girl, who wrote about her crush from the bus. I thought it is stupid to be in love with someone you see in the public transport. But precisely in that moment a driver stopped abruptly and I brushed on you.

Only did I later realize how life can be ironic.

One other day stayed struck in my memory, too. It was a break and you were going to a near bakery with your friends, and I was walking alone to some shop, which was close to the place you were heading to.

When I saw you I felt embarrassed…because I didn't want _you_ to notice I didn't make any friends in the school. Even then I wanted you to have a good opinion about me.

* * *

The summer break was over and it was time to begin a second year in the high school. It was about that time I realized I haven't got feelings for my classmate anymore.

One day, in the early October, I saw you for the first time that year on the way to the school. Unlike other times, I felt some strange excitement for seeing you.

The next morning I saw you again on the station and that's the point I figured out I'm actually in love with you.

I was sure in that period I can get you to like me, so I started to come on the station earlier than before, that we can't pass from.

Also, I began to make up more and spent sometimes even an hour choosing an outfit for the school.

Everyone around me noticed the change. Some of my friends, which thanks God I finally made in the months before, teased me about liking someone. I didn't need to reply them, because my uncontrollable grin told them everything.

However, I wasn't seeing results. You were often looking out the window of the bus, with earphones from MP3 player always in your ears. Nothing I did make you look at me.

At some point I even started to draw my eyebrows, not realizing I'm getting ridiculous because of all that exaggerated effort.

When I comprehended that you have no intention of approaching me soon, I decided to meet you. It was rainy day when we stood hand to hand in the bus and I introduced myself. What I didn't want to see from you I had to swallow. You crooked your lips in a kind of an ironic smile and presented to me indifferently. Immediately afterwards you continued to listen music.

Nevertheless, that didn't discourage me and after a week I sent you a Facebook request. To my, a bit surprise, you accepted it.

The next days I would say hi to you when I see you, but you would answer me in the same cold voice. I had to accept that you don't want to have contact with me, so I stopped greeting you.

And days were stringing, one after another.

I tried to forget you, but the more I put an effort, the more it was difficult for me to get rid of you from my thoughts.

That's why it occurred to me that a physical contact will maybe make a difference in you. We were going out of the bus that day and I lightly kept my hand on yours for a few seconds. But you didn't even turn.

What a silly thought.

* * *

The end of the second grade was slowly, but surely coming to an end. I had two options – to be silent or to tell you finally how I feel about you ( although I supposed you realized it by then).

It was the end of winter - again a day on which it rained - when I stopped you in a park near our school. Without much introduction, I confessed you my feelings.

What didn't surprise me was your composure when you heard it.

I was right – you knew it already.

What _did_ surprise me was your unusual kindness. You smiled when I approached you, carefully listening to what I was saying.

But your answer wasn't a pleasant one - you have a girlfriend. It was a painful realization, but at least I thought I could move on…(and thank you for not spreading a word throughout school afterwards)

* * *

Later it turned out that you didn't have a girlfriend, but I understand – it was the most polite and also the most efficient way to refuse me.

* * *

Today, it's the end of the school year, and I think of you with the same intensity and longing. It's so incomprehensible and ubearing fact to me that you won't ever be mine, that you won't ever _want_ me, nor as much as I want you.

A tiny, stupid bit of myself still hope to be with you someday, somewhere.

I know that, maybe soon, and maybe not, I will find someone else. But I will always keep a memory of you, because one of the worst feelings on this planet is knowing you did your best, and it wasn't good enough.

 **The end**

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A/N: I know this isn't really a fanfiction, but I felt the need to share my experience with you guys and it would matter to me if you would tell me your love stories. Until next story, bye


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